The Living God Ministries
PO Box 2784, Eugene, Oregon 97402
Phone (541) 461-3337 * Fax: (541) 461-3666
Sex verses A Loving Marriage Relationship
By Bill Glover
More than fifty percent of marriages in the Western world end in divorce today. A recent survey of married women revealed that one out of three said that they would not marry their husband if they had it to do over again. Yet, in most marriages, the union began with what was believed to be devoted love, happiness and tenderness yet, all too often, ends in divorce with what is commonly called "irreconcilable" differences. In most divorces, the people re-marry and before long find themselves in very similar or worse circumstances all over again with their new partner.
The billionaire oil baron, J. Paul Getty, was married to seven women during his lifetime and divorced them all. Before his death he stated he would gladly give all his fortune FOR JUST ONE GOOD MARRIAGE! Mr. Getty had plenty of money to get many women and married seven. Yet, all that wealth could not bring him one good marriage and the happiness and true fulfillment he sought all his adult life.
Let us look at all the popular celebrities in today’s society. Two readily come to mind. They are actress Angelina Jolie and actor Billy Bob Thornton who made news a few years ago with their sordid sex life played out in the news media. They bragged about gorging themselves on sex. Yet, sex was all they had in their brief sexual relationship. It did not take long for them to tire of sex and then tire of each other and before long all they had left were bitter memories and the tattoos of their names on each other’s body. Not even the sexual orgasms they boasted about could keep them together. It takes more than a sexual orgasm to make a lasting, satisfactory and rewarding marriage.
The same can be said of literally hundreds of so-called "famous" people (celebrities). Donald Trump, the famous U.S. real estate developer, has now been married three times and has had many women in his life but he cannot find true and LASTING happiness in marriage - - or in his life! The same is true with Hugh Hefner who has made himself a multimillionaire with well-endowed women through the Playboy Magazine enterprise and yet he has not found true happiness. It takes a lot more than beautiful women and sex to bring about true happiness and fulfillment.
As I am writing this the sordid story of Anna Nicole Smith (famous for her breast enhanced body) is being played out in the various news media for all the money this story can rake in for those agencies. This is a tragic story of a person truly needing and seeking fulfillment in her life BUT IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS. Her actions, attitude and behavior created even greater and deeper needs that sex alone could never provide. She thought she could find this fulfillment in and through her body and through money and "fame." Even the two breast implants she got did not net her this fulfillment. She is being compared with actress Marilyn Monroe who tried to use her body to achieve happiness but ended up miserable and a premature death.
Millions of women lust for bodies like those of Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield and Anna Nicole Smith without stopping to evaluate the misery experienced by all three of these women as well as many others who "seemed" glamorous in outward appearance such as the Kardashias on their ridiculous “unrealistic” television series where we now know those people are quite dysfunctional. Such ridiculous shows are called “A Reality Show” but in “reality” what is portrayed is totally unreal and such “reality” shows provide no meaningful moral or psychological or emotional value. A "sexy looking body" is not what brings happiness or fulfillment into a marriage. We will see that it is the SPECIAL HUMAN MAGNETISM that is cultivated between a SPECIFIC MALE AND A SPECIFIC FEMALE that makes the difference between fulfillment or frustration in marriage. This special human magnetism must be cultivated. It is NOT a "one way street" but must flow both ways BETWEEN EACH mate in a marriage. It cannot be based on selfishness OR LUST. It must be based on a keen loving interest in learning your mate's needs and your mate learning your needs and being committed to fulfilling each other's needs unselfishly. And this special magnetism does NOT stop, grow dim or cease with age when both bodies age and become saggy and wrinkled. If that magnetism has been cultivated it will easily endure the changes that occur within the human body with age.
A recent survey found that 51 percent of marriageable age women are living an unmarried life. Experts in the marriage field say that the marriage rate is diminishing because marriage is losing its appeal. Yet other surveys reveal that married people, in general. tend to be happier and live longer than single people.
Why are all the foregoing facts so brutally graphic? Why is it that most people just cannot find that elusive happiness we all need and long for so deeply? There are very clear reasons why this is so but most merely overlook these reasons in their haste to find and "enjoy" the momentary sexual pleasures of the flesh that do not bring lasting internal happiness and fulfillment. This lasting happiness and fulfillment can only be found in a committed relationship between one specific man and one specific female! Sex alone will not bring about this happiness and fulfillment.
Since marriage is the second most important decision (commitment) one can make in this human life, then there is an acute need for each to learn all you can about your mate (or proposed mate if you are not yet married). [The most important decision a person can make in this human life is deciding to pursue and maintain a personal and intimate relationship with the Almighty Creator God - - his/her Maker!] Marriage is a CONTRACTURAL TRANSACTION between two people. Each person entering this contract should know and fully understand the terms and conditions of this contract agreement. And there must be a determined COMMITMENT to fulfill these terms. A successful marital relationship is one where each party understands the other party so that any transaction - - sexual or otherwise - - between them can be fulfilling, satisfying and enduring.
Margaret Pressler, in her book titled Cheat the Clock, asks the question “Why does sack time (time in bed) extend your lifetime?’ and then says “Emotional connections make you feel young - - and sex helps forge those connections!” Her assertions concerning emotional connections are correct. However, it is NOT sex alone that extends a person’s life since there are deeper emotional connections involved here than mere sex. What really counts and what ads not only longevity to one’s life but true meaning to life in the emotional aspect of a relationship and not the sexual. As we will see in this article we will learn that it is that deep mystical, magnetic and electrifying intimacy that not only holds a marriage together but induces that much sought after feeling of satisfaction, comfort, security and joy in life between a specific man and a specific woman. That is the primary reason you find that couples having been married for 50 to 70 years tend to live longer and happier lives since they have tapped into this emotional connection that keeps them feeling more alive and vibrant - - gives them more purpose in and for life itself.. Each cares more for the mate’s well being than his or her own.
Some people believe the large divorce rate is caused by the institution of marriage itself. Often the current chosen solution seems to be to live together but not go through a marriage ceremony. But, is the marriage ceremony, or the civil commitment through a marriage ceremony, the fault of such failures? What are the chances of a person finding and maintaining a happy, harmonious and lasting marital relationship? Such a relationship is possible but it is hard to achieve and even harder to maintain - - so hard that most people seem unable and unwilling to make it work - - they fall back on divorce as the alternative. So divorce has become the commonly accepted solution to bad marriages. In America, a little over half of all marriages end in divorce. If "business partnerships" failed over fifty percent of the time then before long there would be no business partnerships. In a business relationship (contract) there is usually "currency" (money) involved. In a marital transaction the "currency" is INTIMACY and the "pay off" is that of "feelings" - - defined as love, acceptance, belonging, security, fulfillment, contentment and emotional satisfaction. No one can give his or her mate what he or she needs UNLESS ONE KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS THESE NEEDS within themselves and their mate. If one mate does not have the capacity to provide these needs then the other mate cannot expect to have those needs met. If one mate is not interested in the other mate's needs then he or she will not have the desire or the willingness to learn what is needed or have the desire or intent to do anything that could develop the ability to provide those needs. Since no one can deal with or supply what he or she does not know (or does not have within themselves) then it will be impossible to fulfill these "informational" voids. It is only through the meeting of the minds that successful marriages can be achieved. Sex alone will not satisfy these needs. Are we headed for a time when marriage will become obsolete?
A LITTLE HISTORY
To begin this realistic study of marriage, we must go back in history to the very beginning of marriage.
Sex and sex problems have been problems for human beings since the beginning of time. Just a little research will shock the casual observer. The ancient Egyptians, ancient Greeks and ancient Romans perverted sex in every conceivable way. They even established "gods" and "goddesses" of sex. The obelisk and the church steeple are actually phallic symbols representing the erected male penis. In their religious temples some of these societies even had what they called "vestal virgins" who were actually prostitutes. Sexual orgies have been prevalent in most countries throughout history. Humans realize there is physical pleasure in sexual intercourse so humans tend to pursue this temporary pleasure without realizing the role sex is actually supposed to play in the lives of human beings. Humans tend to believe that the sensual feelings they experience during sexual intercourse is the actual source of marital bliss and fulfillment. This notion can be disproved very easily. A couple can engage in vigorous sexual activity and experience a strong orgasm yet immediately return to bickering, disharmony and unhappiness. The "temporary pleasure" they experienced with intercourse was only a temporary "biological" matter that did not last long or unite them mentally, emotionally and spiritually. A happy marital life does not come solely from a strong sexual orgasm, as we will see.
Those who deny the existence of God, as a Supreme Being will most likely scoff at this thought and stop reading this article at this point. But we will present this factor just the same for those who truly seek marital happiness and success in their personal lives whether or not they are "religious." You do not need to be religious to be happily married! The scoffer will always find his own reasons as to why things WON’T work. But the old adage "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" applies here. It could well be that since mankind has turned its back on even the thought that "GOD" exists is the reason for most of this world’s ills and grief's today as well as so many marriages going sour.
Steve Irwin, the Australian, known as the Crocodile Hunter from Australia, recently died from an accident with a sting ray. All who watched his television program recognized that he and his wife, Terry, had a tremendous marriage relationship. After his death his wife was asked how she was doing and she responded through her tears, "I've lost my PRINCE!" She regarded Steve as her prince and he regarded her as his princess. This relationship is a classic example of the HUMAN MAGNETISM stressed in this article which is so necessary in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship. Terry was born and raised in the Eugene, Oregon area of the United States. Steve was born and raised in Australia. Terry visited Australia and toured Steve's Wildlife Park and watched his program. The instant their eyes met they experienced this INSTANT MAGNETISM. They did not let that magnetism die but cultivated it to its maximum extent. This is an example all should follow. Why can't men treat their life's mate as a princess and women treat their husband as their prince? Think about that and discuss it with your mate.
Some marriage partners convince themselves that just because their mate once loved them deeply that the love would automatically continue and flourish throughout the years even without being cultivated or nurtured.. Such a critical error in thinking is sheer folly. Just because a mate loved you at the beginning of the relationship does not mean those emotions will last forever WITHOUT STIMULATION OR CULTIVATION - - and we are not talking about mere sexual stimulation here! Such would be comparable to expecting a plant to grow and flourish WITHOUT food and water. A man and a woman can actually pretend to be married and even live in the same house and even sleep in the same bed and even occasionally engage in sex but if they do not have that mental, emotional and spiritual magnetism then they actually do not have a true marriage but are only pretending. Sex alone will not provide this magnetism!
The primary essential and meaningful satisfaction and fulfillment between a specific man and a specific woman occurs in the MIND, the EMOTIONS and the SPIRIT. The sex organs are merely the vehicles that allow the man and woman to tap into this mental, emotional and spiritual HARMONY and FULFILLMENT. Sexual intercourse is only one aspect of married life. If sexual intercourse is all that a couple has in the marriage then they will soon learn that sex alone will not hold them together. Neither will it net true happiness and fulfillment. We must remember that sexual attraction does NOT originate in the sex organs. Sexual attraction comes from sight, sound, smell and touch - - from the mind and emotions. These human senses then enter the brain's activities and through the system of nerves begin to stimulate the sex organs causing what is termed "arousal." It is critically important that we realize that sexual stimulation, excitement and ultimate fulfillment BEGINS AND CULMINATES IN THE BRAIN - - not the sex organs. It is in the mind and emotions (not the sex organs) that the HUMAN MAGNETISM necessary for a happy and fulfilling marital relationship BOTH ORGINATE AND CONCLUDES. It is true that the sex organs experience "biological reaction" (called orgasm) but it is THE MIND AND EMOTIONS that must be satisfied - - not the sex organs. As soon as the orgasm is over the sex organs "forget" the physical pleasure just experienced BUT THE MIND AND EMOTIONS DO NOT FORGET. If couples could grasp the significance of this point then they have a better chance of doing those things that help them achieve the marital bliss they need and seek so urgently. Too often the male becomes OBSESSED with what he believe is his "sexual needs" when what he actually needs is a loving and harmonious relationship with his life partner.
In my many years of counseling, I encounter a very common problem among people. For example, a husband becomes irritated with his wife over sex. He thinks she is stingy. So he proceeds to harass her on the matter and often becomes abusive (at least verbally and emotionally). He may even rant and rave to her and hurl all kinds of hurtful accusations. Now think about that for a moment! How can such a husband expect his wife to become loving, kind and considerate concerning his physical needs when he is verbally abusing her? How can verbal or even physical abuse stimulate kindness and love and a desire in a wife to meet his needs? Many men need to wake up to this fact.
What a husband needs and desperately wants is love and tenderness from his wife and yet he is doing the very things that are guaranteed to TURN HER OFF! So, you husbands, the next time you feel "cheated out of your rights" take the time to ask yourself how you have been treating your mate. Are you creating an atmosphere that would stimulate your mate to be more responsive to your needs? Or, are you turning her off by your attitude and behavior toward her? This applies to both men and women! There needs to be some deep soul searching here!
In like manner, the wife wants love, respect, tenderness and honor from her husband and yet she constantly belittles him and when they do make love she actually does so begrudgingly. I know of cases where the wife occasionally (but begrudgingly) gives in to her husband’s sexual desires but actually covered her face and head during this act that is supposed to be "loving." In other words, and in reality, she actually gives her body to him so that he can use it to masturbate himself. Can there be any actual love in such a relationship? I cannot even begin to imagine the psychological harm this does to a marriage relationship and to the husband and his image of himself. Neither can I imagine the temptation toward other women she is actually forcing on him. She wants him to be loyal and faithful to him but her actions are forcing him to have grave temptations. If the husband slips up and "cheats" by allowing another woman to provide him the intimacy the wife is denying him, the wife gets very angry. If one mate strays then the other mate should ask themselves WHY and whether he or she has allowed or encouraged this by their own actions or lack of actions that would otherwise lead to a happy, rewarding and gratifying marriage. The mate who cheats usually does so to try and find what is missing in his or her marriage. Most women fail to realize that men have a deep burning need and desire for the feelings the wife’s luscious feminine body provides for him. The husband is foolish NOT to cultivate this same reaction from his wife. A woman is foolish NOT to cultivate this feeling and emotion with her own husband. God made it this way and if we do not follow these principles we PAY THE PENALTY! It is recommended that each couple takes this article and give each other a test AS A COUPLE. Then, each person should give himself or herself a test. Then each one should ALLOW the other to "critique" the other WITHOUT BEING DEFENSIVE.
In the foregoing scenario, both parties desperately need love and affection from the other partner and yet both parties do the very things that guarantees a failed relationship. Then they both wonder why their marriage is not working. Many have been the times I have heard one partner say "Just as soon as he (or she) changes, I will change!" But neither party is actually WILLING to change FIRST. Even when they are able to engage in a sexual relationship, it is actually nothing more than an animalistic act. The wife sullenly says, "Well, if it will get you off my back I’ll give you sex - - come and take care of yourself!" Even though they may be able to go through the motions of sexual relations both end up more frustrated than before. A biological release will not provide the mental and emotional satisfaction that is needed so badly.
In most cases, couples never evaluate what is actually transpiring between them. One mate begins to feel amorous toward the other, but the mate is not interested or "in the mood." So, any advances toward intimacy are rejected (at times with resentment) and a rift develops between them. They start pulling APART rather than pulling together. The question that should be asked by such a couple is "WHAT HAPPENS TO THE NEEDS OF THE ONE PARTNER WHO FEELS THE NEED FOR A CLOSE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER when his or her needs are REJECTED AND REBUFFED in such a manner? Does this rejection suddenly nullify the needs of the one mate? What are the actual consequences of such rejection? These needs, when rejected and rebuffed, can and often do turn into resentment, animosity and often hostility. Then these rejected needs become festering sores that just will not heal. The rejected and rebuffed partner has three major issues with which to deal. One is the rejection itself. Another is the need that is still present but greatly damaged. The third is the anger and resentment that develops over this rejection. Here is where communication that is so important should come into play. One mate must be willing to make the first move toward reconciliation and civility. Both mates SHOULD always be willing to "make the first move toward civility." In most cases NEITHER is willing to make that gentle move toward harmony. Thus, serious marital problems develop and increase.
GOD’S SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
The Holy Bible has some profound and meaningful instructions concerning marriage and the marital relationship. Most humans are totally unaware of these instructions. Since they do not know these instructions, couples cannot follow them nor benefit from them. Thus, they have no proof that they will not or do not work. They allow their doubts and skepticism to regulate their lives and deprive them of the true happiness they seek and desperately need. We will consider specific instructions from the Bible and allow each person to decide whether he or she can or will be willing to try these remedies for their failing or failed relationships. God’s account of the beginning of the human family is found in Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. In Genesis 1:26-27 God said: "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness; let them (the first two humans) have dominion over . . .(all the created beings God had made)." Then in verse 27 we find that "God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
In Genesis 2:20 we find: "But for Adam there was not found a HELPER comparable (suited) for him). God then took one of Adam’s ribs and from that rib He formed the woman to be a HELPER [A COMPANION OR SOUL MATE] to the man. Verse 24 states: "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (in marriage) to his wife, and they shall become ONE FLESH (meaning one UNIT)!" Because humans have forgotten this basic revelation from God, our Creator, man has reaped the results which are broken homes and divorces and remarriages and vicious cycles that keep repeating themselves generation after generation.
What does God mean when He says that the man and woman are to become ONE FLESH? Some may try and limit that expression to the actual sex act itself. However, that expression has much deeper and more profound meaning than mere "sexual" intercourse, as we will see later in this article.
Jesus Christ was asked a question about divorce. The question asked was: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3). He answered this question by quoting Genesis 1:27 and 2:24 which we cited earlier in this article. He put these two passages together as follows: "Have you not read that He (God) who made them at the beginning made them male and female and for this reason a man should leave his father and mother and be JOINED to his wife, and the two shall become ONE FLESH." (see Matthew 19:4 & 5). He goes on to state that "they are no longer two but are then JOINED AS ONE FLESH" (vs. 6).
But the instructions from Jesus Christ continues with other profound statements. They also asked why Moses had allowed divorce. Christ answered that Moses "allowed" divorce BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF THE HEARTS OF THE PEOPLE (vs. 7 & 8). Later in this article we will deal with THE HARDNESS OF THE HEART and understand how this applies to a marital relationship today. Most marriages fail because one mate becomes hardened against the other or both against each other. This "hardness" often turns into bitterness.
What is truly amazing is that when two people experience this human magnetism toward each other and get married, for a while they experience real joy at just being in each other’s presence. But, because of many and varied difficulties encountered they bury or destroy this magnetism under problems they seem unable to resolve. Ultimately the rift between them becomes so great that they divorce and even remarry. What is truly amazing is that years later - - after unhappy second or even third marriages - - many often encounter each other again and find that the original "MAGNETISM" they once cherished is still alive and vibrant. They actually REMARRY but this time they have finally GROWN UP EMOTIONALLY and are able to begin to apply these principles so as to CREATE that harmoniously loving relationship that was available at the beginning but they were NOT ready to cultivate it AT THAT TIME. But they spent all those frustrated years learning this valuable lesson. That MAGNETISM should be developed as it is a necessary part of a happy and harmonious marital relationship. If you and your mate did experience this MAGNETIST then you have a basis for developing a happy marriage. But it is absolutely necessary that you WORK at developing and GROWING this magnetism.
Speaking of human feelings and emotions, we need to consider what the Bible says in Proverbs 30:18-19. Here we find Solomon [a wise man] saying there are four things that are beyond his comprehension. One is the way of an eagle soaring in the sky. The second is the way a serpent moves across a rock. The third is the way of a ship sailing on the sea. Then the fourth is THE WAY OF A MAN WITH A WOMAN. If you take the time to think about that for a moment you can see what Solomon meant. There is certainly something very mysterious and precious about the feelings and emotions that can AND SHOULD exist between a specific man and a specific woman. It is called HUMAN MAGNETISM. It is a magical AND MYSTERIOUS [and even spiritual] feeling or emotion that develops between A SPECIFIC MAN and A SPECIFIC WOMAN and is often overlooked or disregarded by most. This is NOT referring to mere LUST that can occur between a men and women. Lust is a base animalistic sexual craving that one sees in literal animals when they mate and even in humans when they allow their minds to go out of control. What is referred to here is something far deeper and more profound between one specific man and one specific woman. It is a BOND that unites them mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically - - that bonds them AS ONE FLESH. This is that unique relationship [HUMAN MAGNETISM] that was created by God for the man and woman relationship in marriage that the Creator intended for humans from the beginning. We must understand this if we ever hope to experience a harmonious and rewarding marital relationship. The POTENTIAL is there but each person must individually learn how to tap into this magnetism and make it work for himself or herself. If you do not do this then there is no way you can achieve a lasting, happy and harmonious marital relationship.
In Hebrews 13:4 (in the Phillips translation) we find: "Both honorable marriage and chastity should be respected by all of you. God Himself will judge those who traffic in the bodies of others OR DEFILE THE RELATIONSHIP IN MARRIAGE." Here we find God showing that the marital relationship can be defiled and that He will judge those who defile it. Not only will such be judged by God, such will also lead to marital unhappiness and frustration and ultimately to divorce.
There are other clear and powerful instructions in the Bible that are supposed to govern the marital relationship. I Corinthians 7:3 states: "The husband should GIVE TO HIS WIFE what is ‘DUE TO HER’ as his wife, and the wife should be as fair to her husband. The wife has no longer full rights over her own person, but shares them with her husband (not with some other man). In the same way the husband shares his personal rights with his wife (not with some other woman). Do not cheat each other out of normal sexual intercourse, UNLESS you both decide to abstain temporarily to make special opportunity for fasting and prayer. But afterward you should RESUME RELATIONS AS BEFORE, or YOU WILL EXPOSE YOURSELVES TO THE OBVIOUS TEMPTATION OF THE DEVIL." (Phillips translation).
Here we find powerful instructions from God concerning marriage. If these instructions are followed then a happy and harmonious marriage will naturally occur. Please note that in this type relationship there is COMMUNICATION between each partner. Also note that each partner is seriously concerned with the well being and needs of the other AS WELL AS THE SEXUAL NEEDS OF EACH OTHER and that they must agree mutually before withholding intimate relations from the other. In such a harmonious relationship you will never hear the wife tell her husband "Well, I’ve got a headache or I’m about to have my period so you had better TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!" Those "headaches" will usually disappear if you are tuned into these words of God. And you will not find husbands feeling they must "beg" their wives for sex. And a husband who truly loves his wife will not impose his sexual desires on her even if she is not actually ill. We will deal with more of these points later in this article. If each couple is dedicated to following these important principles then the problems that separate them in their relationship will begin to vanish. If one is truly devoted to the needs of his or her mate then these problems begin to disappear. But each person must TRY this approach before he or she can know that this approach works and works wonders!
The key to a happy and harmonious marital relationship is COMMUNICATION between the two. In marriage this communication involves INTIMACY - - NOT JUST SEX. Yet most people do not break intimacy down into its many facets. Most married people seem to equate "intimacy" with "sex." But SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS ONLY ONE FORM OF INTIMACY. Intimacy takes on many different forms. One form is intimacy within a family - - intimacy between a parent and child and a child and parent. There is another type of intimacy between friends and neighbors. And there is intimacy between coworkers. A man can have a very personal relationship (intimacy but not including sex) with another man - - a true buddy. The same is true between women. Women can have very "intimate" relationships with other women where sex is never included or even considered. And there is a vast array of TRUE INTIMACY between a man and wife that does not include sexual intercourse. This special intimacy between a man and wife involves that special human ingredient we call MAGNETISM. That "magnetism" may lead to and include sexual intercourse but not always. A man and woman truly in love dearly enjoy just being close together even when sex is not involved. This type of intimacy can be little more than a quick glance across the room where the eyes (and the spirit between them) meet and a special "electrical" current CONNECTS them even though they are physically APART. This can happen with a long distance telephone call. As soon as they hear each other’s voice they experience this magnetism - - distance does not dull this feeling. Scientists can now show proof of this "electric magnetism" by doing brain scans of a couple who feels this magnetism. The existence of this magnetism is now a scientific measurable fact. This writer has known couples who are incapable of sexual intercourse because of illness or other physical causes but who love each other very deeply and experience this magnetism. Their love is not "sexually motivated" but motivated by mental and emotional bonds that are even deeper and stronger than sex.
We have already referred to "COMMUNICATION" between a husband and wife. Again, this attribute takes on many forms. Normally we think of "verbal" communication when this aspect is considered. However, there are also other means of communication that should be considered. Eye contact is another means of communicating. A "wink" or a "nod" can trigger these feelings and convey deep meaning and communication between a couple truly committed to this bond of love.
But let us consider another form of intimacy that few seem to give much merit. In fact, this facet of intimacy between a married couple quite often is passed over except perhaps a small display just before engaging in sexual intercourse. This form of intimacy is KISSING. Men tend to want to quickly bypass this form of intimacy AS THEY RUSH TO THE ACTIVITY THEY CONSIDER MORE URGENT- - SEX. But doing so hampers the marital relationship - - especially with most woman. Most women are stimulated sexually more SLOWLY than men. This type of intimacy (called FOREPLAY) is critically most important to the wife and then to the marriage.
There are other kinds of intimacy called "foreplay" and "after play." Both of these kinds of intimacy are most important to the wife. Foreplay prepares the wife for the actual sex act by stimulating her arousal - - women become aroused sexually more slowly than the man. Then the after play is again most important to the wife in that it is an expression of love and appreciation FOR HER AND NOT JUST FOR SEX. Both foreplay and after play are opportunities for the husband to CULTIVATE and GROW that deep binding relationship with his wife. Too many husbands tend to bypass these necessary ingredients in a happy relationship. Such gives the wife the impression that all he wants from her is "sex and more sex!"
Isn’t it strange that people who "cheat" on their partners spend a lot of time in both foreplay and after play with their new sex partner because they are trying to gain the sexual attention of their illicit partner. Does this make any sense? Yet, millions of people do it every day.
At this point let us consider some profound statements found in the Bible. The book of Proverbs (chapter 5) deals specifically with the relationship between a man and a woman. This chapter first speaks of the folly of engaging in sexual relations OUTSIDE the bond of marriage. Verse 15 shows that a person should drink only from his own cistern Verse 18 admonishes a man to rejoice with the wife of his youth. Verse 19 tells the man he is to find this marital satisfaction IN THE BREASTS OF HIS OWN WIFE and that he is to be captivated by her love for him [this human magnetism spoken of earlier in this article]. The Book of Solomon (Song of Solomon) deals with the many aspects of the intimacy that is supposed to exist between a specific man and a specific woman in a marital relationship. A married couple should study this book together and attempt to inculcate these principles into their marriage.
Romantic kissing between a married couple is extremely important and meaningful. Desire for each other WITHIN THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE is NOT wrong - - desire for the opposite sex OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE is counterproductive and wrong because it produces nothing more than a fleeting temporary physical (biological) sensation that actually leaves the person feeling empty, dissatisfied unfulfilled and guilty afterwards.
Sad to say many married couples deny themselves the rewarding and satisfying relationship they crave because they do not spend the time or effort to create the fertile soil in which such a relationship can flourish and grow. If the husband is seeking ONLY his own personal satisfaction and gratification then there can be no true bonding as the relationship from his point of view since it is based on his LUST and not LOVE. The same principle applies to the wife. If she is stingy with her love and affection or if she uses the sex appeal her husband has for her as a tool to GET HER OWN WAY IN THINGS, then there can be no meaningful and fulfilling marital relationship for EITHER party. THERE ARE NO SHORT CUTS TO A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE! It takes patience and just plain hard work to make a marriage work and it seems that most couples just are not WILLING to put forth that effort.
These are rather plain and pointed instructions from the God of the Bible regarding the marital relationship. But these instructions are most often ignored by couples and, as a result, marriages fail and often end in divorce causing tremendous heartache and pain for all involved. And because these instructions are ignored in the "second" or "third" marriage, these marriages also often fail. As we proceed we will see specific reasons why these instructions were given to humans by God. Even if you are a person who rejects the existence of God, you can still benefit from these principles if you are willing to apply them to your marriage.
At this point let us go to Ephesians 5:25-29. Here we find "Husbands, love your wives, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands should love their own wives AS THEIR OWN BODIES; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church."
HUSBANDS: do you cherish and nurture your wife lovingly - - just how do you treat her? Each one of you reading this should take the time and make the effort to study what we have just quoted to you over and over again and again until you fully drink in of what it is saying - - if you actually want a good marriage and IF you are WILLING to WORK at accomplishing it. We should be beginning to see the real secrets of a happy and harmonious and satisfying marital relationship. These are not mere "religious" teachings or comments but are LIVING PRINCIPLES that actually work if followed. [NOTE: It is truly amazing how many people claiming to be "Christians" do not know that these instructions are in the Bible and do not follow them].
How about it, MEN? Do you love your wife even a fraction of the amount you love your own body? Do you really cherish your wife and are you sincerely trying to help your wife with true patience and love? Before you criticize your wife, why not evaluate your own approach to your partner in life? A man cannot expect (nor demand) that his wife control her temper and emotions UNLESS HE SETS AN EXAMPLE FOR HER TO FOLLOW. If you truly GIVE LOVE most likely you will "get" love in return!
These words speak powerfully for themselves. Are you beginning to grasp what it takes to create, maintain and grow a happy and fulfilling marital relationship? Yes, a couple must GROW THEIR MARRIAGE like a farmer grows his crop. The husband is to concentrate on giving to his wife this sincerely dedicated love and devotion that he actually needs, wants and craves for himself. If a husband is NOT willing to do this to and for his wife then HOW CAN HE EXPECT HIS WIFE TO HAVE THIS TYPE OF LOVE AND CONCERN FOR HIM? Each husband must answer these questions for himself and then decide what he is willing and able to do.
The wife likewise is to concentrate on this same loving devotion and tenderness that she needs and craves. How can she expect her husband to provide the love, affection and tenderness she needs and craves if she begrudges him these same emotional needs built into every human being and that are supposed to be in every marriage?
My first serious marriage counseling occurred fifty years ago. This couple was prone to have a real "tear down and drag out" fight. The wife was not opposed to exchanging physical blows with her husband. And I was called into this fracas. Once I got them calmed down [sitting around their dining table] I gave each a piece of paper and a pencil. I drew a line down the middle of the page. I then asked each to write down in the left column the THINGS THEY LOVED ABOUT THE OTHER [THINGS THAT MADE THEM LOVE EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE]. In the right column I asked each to write the THINGS THEY DISLIKED ABOUT THE OTHER. I had them take all the time they needed. When their lists were completed, we then evaluated what they had written down. First we noted that the THINGS THEY LOVED ABOUT EACH OTHER made up a much longer list than the list of the things they did not like about the other.
Then I began to question them about recent disagreements and arguments or fights. I quizzed them on the nature and subject of these squabbles. None of these recent squabbles were on what one would consider "important matters." On the whole, the issues were rather petty in nature and they both agreed that the arguments that followed were rather silly and ridiculous once they were evaluated IN HIND SIGHT. I then posed the question as to why they could not evaluate these disagreements BEFORE they degenerated into arguments and fights. They began to laugh as they began to see just how ridiculous most of their squabbles were. They also realized the need to concentrate on THE THINGS THEY LOVED ABOUT EACH OTHER rather than the petty things they allowed to needle them and prompt these arguments and fights. In all the recent fights they could not recall a single issue that was important enough to squabble over YET THEY HAD SQUABBLED FIERCELY OVER THESE ISSUES. In other words they acted and "reacted" without any thought as to where they were headed or why or what they hoped to accomplish by the argument. The real truth of the matter was that they both were feeling frustrated with their marital relationship and, as a result, began to pick away at each other rather than addressing those things that they should be addressing and CONCENTRATING ON AND BUILDING - - NOT TEARING DOWN - - IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
At this point they were able to begin seeing they had allowed their little petty grievances crowd out the real love they had developed toward each other. The real beauty of this true story is that they were willing and able to begin applying these very principles to their marriage and their lives. Recently [some fifty years later] a relative of mine ran across this couple (they now live across the United States from me and we have lost contact). My name came up in the conversation and they told my relative that they are still married and happy today because of this counseling session with me. But, even though they did not state so, the real reason they are still happily married today is BECAUSE THEY WERE WILLING TO BEGIN APPLYING THESE PRINCIPLES. Applying these basic principles is the key to a successful marital relationship.
NO GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS
Regretfully not all marriages can have and maintain a satisfying and fulfilling marital relationship since not all couples are WILLING to apply these basic principles. That is why there can be "no guarantees." There are many and varied reasons why some marital relationships just do not work. One case in particular comes to mind. For some reason this wife never developed a sexual drive as she matured from childhood. Even though she was healthy in all other areas and all her body parts were present and capable of functioning, a sex urge or sex drive never developed. She found it difficult to become sexually aroused with her husband. Sex was more of a drudgery - - a "necessary evil" so to speak - - and, as such, she never found true satisfaction or fulfillment in sexual relations with her husband. No sex drive or desire was ever stimulated. Neither was the desire for intimacy ever stimulated or developed. She actually loved her husband platonically and actually liked his presence in bed with her as this made her feel safe and secure. But sex was something she could well do without and hoped he would lose interest in it as the years went by. But, as time passed, she found it more and more difficult to even tokenly yield to him sexually. She found it comfortable to sleep in the same bed with her husband but never seek intimacy of any kind. When I say "intimacy" I am NOT referring to "SEX" even though sexual intercourse is an act of intimacy. There are hundreds of other ways a husband and wife can express INTIMACY toward each other without having "sex." In this case, the wife is totally satisfied with an occasional kiss - - so long as it does not linger long enough to possibly stimulate sex in the husband. She never experienced or attempted to develop that special magnetism that should automatically be present between a couple BEFORE MARRIAGE AND INTENSEFY ALL THE YEARS OF MARRIAGE!
The husband, in the above case, had a serious decision to make. He found it necessary to LOOK AT THEIR ENTIRE LIFE TOGETHER and ask himself some deep questions. One of the key questions he asked himself was "Is my love for her based solely on sex?" Also, "Did I love her because of having a sexual relationship with her?" Since he developed a deep and abiding love for her LONG BEFORE they ever had sex then the answer was an emphatic "NO!" His love was NOT based on nor motivated by sexual intercourse. Neither was his love for her based on the many other forms of intimacy where sex is not specifically involved even though he had those deep and longing hungers for this intimacy with her. When they first met he experienced an instant HUMAN MAGNETISM toward her and that magnetism grew over the years and never diminished. However, since his "romantic" feelings toward her had never been nourished and fed by her, they diminished greatly. He is moved by romantic love songs, romantic movies and romantic novels. But these romantic factors never had any noticeable effect on this wife. A lovely love song or a romantic movie never stimulates her toward intimacy of any kind - - including sex - - toward her husband. Men can and often do become irate and even belligerent at not being able to stimulate the wife and this failure could well lead to divorce.
In the above cited case, the husband had to learn to teach himself how to dwell on those things he loved about his wife and to learn how to cope with this deep and abiding "hole" he found within himself - - a hole that there was no way he could fill by himself since this must come from his mate through loving intimacy - - whether or not sexual intercourse is involved. Not all men or women can do this. [Some women may be deprived in like manner and may need to make comparable adjustments.] Even though he took the time to patiently explain to his wife that he had emotional and intimacy needs that can come only from a satisfying intimate relationship with the woman he loves, these needs were never understood nor addressed - - some women are never willing or able to even discuss these issues let alone address them. Any attempt to discuss these matters only produces anger, resentment and even hostility. She may even resent it when he points out that love songs, romantic movies and romantic novels never stimulate anything in her relative to their intimate man and woman relationship. Their intimate relationship becomes a "DON’T GO THERE" TOPIC. There is little that can be done to salvage such a relationship or to stimulate changes. At times one mate has to decide if his true love for his or her mate ACTUALLY TRUMPS his or her own needs.
The husband can resort to trying to trick his emotional feelings in an effort to soothe them by eating hot spicy foods or using a variety of deserts in an attempt to curb or control the appetite for what he really needs - - an intimate man and woman relationship with his wife - - the intimacy that God intended in marriage.
One husband that I know of, even resorted to buying books and magazines that contained information about the man and woman relationship similar to their problems. He even used a hi-liter pen to mark sections of these articles that fit their case and would leave these items open in a conspicuous place hoping the wife would read them and hopefully change her approach and be willing to discuss these matters with him. Nothing worked!
One husband even arranged for the two of them to view a special television program featuring a woman who confessed to having the same lack of desire for that magnetic intimacy problem with her husband - - that of not having any desire for intimacy with her husband. The woman in the TV program related the studies she undertook to learn what was missing in her marriage and what she could do to at least try to correct the problem. This wife watched this program without saying a word and then said or did nothing after watching it. She was not interested in even discussing the program since she was not interested in discussing their identical problem. In her mind nothing in the program applied to her. Since she had no need for marital intimacy with her husband then there was nothing she needed to do about what her husband perceived as "his needs" or an assumed "problem" in their marriage. Such a problem did NOT exist in her mind.
The foregoing points show what some men or women face when they discover they have no meaningful sexual urge and/or no need for real intimacy with their mate. In such cases there can never be a happy and SATISFYING and FULFILLING and REWARDING husband and wife relationship. The wife is going to resent her husband’s sexual advances as well as his efforts to work at the problem. She cannot understand why he cannot just be satisfied when she gives her body over to him so that he can use it to masturbate himself. And the husband grows more and more frustrated and irritable because he is unable to stimulate his wife into a loving and intimate man and woman relationship - - NOT just a SEXCUAL RELATIONSHIP. She feels taken advantage of and he feels empty and hollow inside and he has to battle "fantasizing" about other woman when all he wants is his own wife responding to him with genuine intimacy. Thus, there is NO chance for such a couple to achieve the marital bliss that is supposed to be available to married couples.
Let me state that there are also men who have little or no meaningful desire for true intimacy with their wife. In such cases it is the wife who has serious decisions to make. In some cases the husband can begin to equate his wife with some kind of sexual slut if she craves more intimacy than he is willing or able to give.
In both the foregoing scenarios such a marriage is in serious trouble. This is especially true when one mate REFUSES to objectively discuss this problem or even admit that there is a problem. Often the husband with an "under sexed" wife becomes obsessed with sex and his own sexual desires. Likewise a wife with an under sexed husband can become obsessed with her needs for intimacy. What every couple needs to do is COMMIT TO A CANDID AND HONEST DIALOGUE with each other. They can easily begin to think that what they "need" is SEX. But it is NOT sex that they need. What they need is to recapture that intimate human magnetism that attracted them to each other originally. And they need to pursue ways to stimulate and grow this MAGNETISM that once was so strong. If they can do this then "sex" will take on new meaning and become the glue that binds and bonds them as ONE FLESH. Then all the other forms of intimacy will allow them to go so much farther in their relationship.
In cases like these, serious decisions must be made. Often there are children in such a union. In most cases one mate reaches the point where he or she feels that he or she must get out of the marriage. But in some cases [especially where religious beliefs do not allow for divorce] divorce is not an option. Then the question of whether to remain "married" IN NAME ONLY without actually having a marital relationship or having one mate move into another part of the home or even outside the home arises. These are sad and tragic ways to address problems that should be solved with honest effort and diligence from both parties.
It has been my experience in counseling couples that usually it is the wife who loses interest in the sexual relationship. In most cases this interest can be rekindled IF IT EVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. If it never existed initially then there is nothing the mate can do to "RE-GROW" what was never there in the first place. As the old saying goes, "You cannot get blood out of a turnip!" A wife [OR A HUSBAND] cannot produce what she [or he] does not have. In such cases the one mate must determine if there are other ways to love this mate so as to keep the family and marriage in tack. These are truly sad circumstances that are faced by millions of couples today.
A man who has lost his sexual desires often cannot get them back. Some modern drugs claim to rejuvenate the male libido. But this writer/counselor has encountered couples who are incapable of sexual relations due to sickness, or some malfunction of the body and yet they still have a very healthy INTIMATE relationship (without sex) and maintain a glowing marital union. They are able to do this because they have learned to love each other in NON-SEXUAL ways. They have not made "sex" their priority. This can be done but only through much love, work, determination and understanding.
The husband mentioned earlier chose to concentrate on the things about his wife that he truly loves and chose to work at ignoring his own intimacy and sexual needs. This can be done but it is extremely hard to control one’s thoughts (temptations) about other women - - especially since these temptations are all around him.
The problem is that those who have little or no sex drive cannot understand the power of a normal sex drive. Since they never experienced sexual desire they cannot possibly understand why their mate wants sex and intimacy. Some women reading this may not have the slightest understanding of the POWER she can have over her husband if she used this power correctly. If the wife is truly loving, kind, considerate and even passionate she would find it almost impossible for her husband to be irritable, unkind and abusive. [It is recognized that there are a few men who are not much removed from being a brute beasts and do not deserve a loving wife]. But a wife who hides her head and face under a blanket while her husband is attempting to make love to her is not far removed from the status of a brute beast in a feminine setting.]
I have encountered cases where the husband of such a wife [both claiming to be Christians] would read the Bible verses quoted above to the wife thinking that such would be the magical touch that would cause her to respond to his needs. My advice to such men is that they are wasting their time and energy AS THE WIFE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS AND HAS MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO DISREGARD THIS INSTRUCTION. In such cases there is little hope of a reconciliation that can produce a happy and satisfying marriage.
There is another case that comes to mind that I counseled where the husband earned a very good living so that the wife did not work outside the home. Yet she did not recognize the blessings she had and "did her own thing" with no regard for her husband’s needs or even the actual needs of the children. She did not find happiness and fulfillment in the marriage and sought that fulfillment in outside hobbies and activities. Knowing that her husband loved her, she chose to take advantage of that love and also take him for granted. Once the children are grown and leave the home that marriage is most likely destined for failure. Once this happens this wife will then realize what she had and LOST! What a pity!
For those of you who are UNWILLING to even enter a sincere and serious dialogue with your mate [waiting for him or her to change FIRST] I say that you are destined to continue in your marital misery and you most likely will end up in a divorce or separated. And your prospect of finding that "right" mate in a remarriage is just as bleak as with your first, second or third marriage.
The only way I can guarantee you success in your marriage is IF you are WILLING to work with your mate objectively in FACING and OVERCOMING these problems. In the overwhelming number of cases these problems can be solved but it does take work and personal sacrifice and patience. There has to be a willingness to forgive and FORGET. In one case where I counseled a couple, the husband made a commitment to put forth a concerted effort to address HIS PART in the failings in the marriage. He apologized for his mistakes and asked his wife to forgive him and asked her to join him in an effort to make their marriage work.
During counseling the wife agreed verbally to begin working with her husband but within hours stopped any effort despite his pleadings. She made it clear that she was not going to let him get beyond the mistakes he had made. After all, his "mistakes" were the "excuses" she fell back on when she decided NOT to face her part of their problems. As a counselor, I realize that even Jesus Christ cannot help such a person resolve her problems.
How about those of you reading this? Would it be impossible for Jesus Christ to help you through your marital problems? Remember, if you have a marital problem, ONLY you and your mate can solve it TOGETHER. One mate CANNOT solve the problem alone. It is futile for him or her to even try. A counselor or a minister CANNOT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS FOR YOU - - ONLY YOU CAN - - IF YOU ARE WILLING!
Many refuse to seek counseling because they know the counselor or minister will bring out points that each must work on personally. Since many are not willing to do this then such persons are not going to seek help. They choose to KEEP their problems and be miserable.
One of the biggest problems in resolving marital difficulties is the unwillingness to forgive past mistakes - - an unwillingness to give the mate another chance and working with him or her until success is achieved. You can never go from an unhappy marriage to a truly happy one OVERNIGHT. It took you a long time to develop the problems you now face and it will take time to overcome them and put them behind you. But if can be done PROVIDED you are willing to work at it.
Let us conclude with some pointed questions. Do you really want to salvage your marriage? Do you want to bring your marriage to a much higher level? Are you actually willing to work at accomplishing this? Just how willing are you? Can you get beyond your own personal human pride and begin thinking in terms of GROWING YOUR MARRIAGE - - which is the second most important decision you can make in this human life.
Can you and your mate engage in a CIVIL conversation about your marriage and the problems you encounter? Can you communicate with each other without allowing your personal emotions to run amuck so that each begins to hurl accusations against each other? Are you willing and able to LOOK AT YOURSELVES INDIVIDUALLY without trying to find fault with the other?
The most helpful passage in the Bible in regard to facing human problems (including marital problems) is found in James 1:22-26. In this passage we find that a true follower of Jesus Christ (and a person truly interested in salvaging his or her marriage) will be a DOER OF THE WORD and NOT JUST A HEARER (vs. 22). A person who is only a "hearer" of the word DECEIVES HIMSELF. A true DOER OF THE WORD IS ONE WHO IS ABLE TO look at himself (NOT his or her mate) honestly and then DOES what the Word of God says. The universal problem encountered in counseling is an UNWILLINGNESS of those being counseled to DO WHAT IS RIGHT! If you are unwilling to do the right thing then you will never find true happiness and contentment and your marriage is not going to be fruitful and rewarding. The marital relationship is a TWO WAY STREET. Communication must FLOW BOTH WAYS. If you insist on waiting for your mate to make all these changes before you begin making yours, then no growth can occur in your marriage. One person alone cannot make a marriage successful.
The point here is quite simple. Are you personally willing to put forth the effort to GROW your marital relationship [perhaps your sincere efforts to change will stimulate your mate to change]. James 1:25 says that the person willing to do this WILL BE BLESSED IN WHAT HE DOES. In this case, the blessing will be a happy and rewarding relationship.
There were a few points mentioned throughout this article that need further comment. One area is the expression "becoming one flesh." Some try to limit this expression to the sex act alone. But God intended a much greater and deeper meaning. This is supposed to reflect the fact that two people become immersed in a true marital relationship THAT TOTALLY UNITES THEM IN MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT. They are supposed to LEARN how to THINK ALIKE and communicate so they can grow this magnetism that is supposed to exist between them. If you truly love your mate and are totally devoted to his or her well being then you will be doing all within your power meet his or her needs mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Another point that needs further comment involves the "hardening of the heart." Sad to say that too many married individuals begin to HARDEN THEIR HEARTS against their mate. This then leads to "irreconcilable differences" and then to divorce. It is strange that this happens when both parties desperately need the love and affection from each other so badly but have chosen to harden their hearts against each other.
Still another point that needs further comment involves what Paul taught in 1 Corinthians 7:3 (The Phillips Translation expressed this best). If each mate is diligent in providing the physical, mental and emotional needs of his or her mate then seldom will there be major conflicts. If and when a conflict arises, one mate should take the lead [and God says it is the husband who is supposed to be the leader in the home] and takes his wife in his arms and says something like the following: "You know that I truly love you AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY OWN BODY! Since this conflict has arisen, we need to CLEAR OUR MINDS AND EMOTIONS OF OUR OWN PERSONAL GRIEVANCES and begin to concentrate on our true love for each other and what it will take to get us back on track. I am willing to give ground on this controversy and ask that you also give ground! Let us do this!"
If this approach and attitude are followed then these conflicts and controversies will begin to diminish and should eventually disappear. At least it is worth a try - - isn’t it?
It is recommended that each couple pick out eight or ten very nice love songs [there is a reason why romantic music is a multibillion-dollar business]. Set a time and a place for the two of you to relax and listen to the words and melody of these songs in an undisturbed manner. As you listen to the words of these songs ASK EACH OTHER WHY YOU CANNOT SEEM TO MAKE THESE WORDS COME TRUE WHERE THE TWO OF YOU ARE CONCERNED. You need too play these songs to each other BEFORE you attempt to resolve these controversies. How long can you remain angry at your mate with the words of these beautiful songs ringing in your ears and mind? You will be amazed at the results of such loving communication.
It cannot be overemphasized how important it is for the husband to take the lead in these matters so as to set the example. Since the husband is supposed to be the head of the home, how can he expect his wife to follow his lead if he is a tyrant and inconsiderate? Okay, you men, just how well are you stacking up as the head, prince and "champion" of your own home? Don’t you think it is time for you to take an assessment and then take action?
And you wives, what about you? How well do you stack up in meeting what God requires? What excuses do you use to justify your unwillingness to follow these instructions? Don’t answer these questions to me BUT TO GOD AND THEN TO YOURSELVES! You do NOT answer to me but YOU DO ANSWER TO GOD and YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO VIVIDLY ANSWER TO EACH OTHER! Exactly what do you plan to do about your marital situation? And how diligently will you be willing to work at this problem?
Even though there are "No Guarantees" in finding a happy, harmonious, and fulfilling marital relationship [UNLESS YOU DO IT GOD’S WAY] such can be achieved but ONLY WITH MUCH HARD WORK AND EFFORT ALONG WITH A WILLINGNESS TO CONTROL ONE’S OWN EMOTIONS AND TO BEGIN TO GENUINELY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER!
It is realized that this article has only scratched the surface of this deep and complex relationship between a man and a woman. Counseling is available to those who ask for it either by phone (541) 461-3337, by email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or by regular mail (P.O. Box 2784, Eugene, Oregon 97402) should any wish to request it.